You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
