May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want a musical about memes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
