I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
