Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
