I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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