Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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