wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you would pick up someone in the library
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
