my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
