I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
