This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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