I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
