somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
