he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Congratulations! We have a period
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize