No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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