Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
