Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
