so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My cat gives me a boner
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
