call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
