I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
