Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
