Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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