Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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