Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
