Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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