Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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