Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
