Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
