Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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