Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
