So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
