Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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