Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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