Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
