Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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