Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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