I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
BRING THE BAGELS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
