She said her name was "party"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
