You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
