3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think your dad took our porno
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
