Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
