why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
