im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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