cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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