Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
