I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
pray to the hookup gods
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
