I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
