ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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