dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
