and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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