Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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