I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize