I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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