My nipple is on Facebook.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
