Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
