So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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