the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
