Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
