If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
