dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
