he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize