You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
