It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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