After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
