She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
