I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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