why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
