Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
