My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
