so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
