Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
