oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
