I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I could make wine with my vomit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
