who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
