Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
