I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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