god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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