for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
