my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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