Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
