It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
