DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
