Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When are your genitals available?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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