A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
