this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
