I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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