i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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