you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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