We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize