cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
