i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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