it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
