Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
