We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
