I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
