You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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