I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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