after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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