Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
