Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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