I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
