Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
