can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
