I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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