Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
